The #1 Sign You're a Trauma Survivor (and Why It Matters)

Are you constantly scanning others' faces for signs of disappointment, your heart racing as you wonder what you did wrong – even when they insist everything's fine?

Many people dismiss their experiences, thinking, "It wasn't that bad." or "Others have been through worse." — without realizing how these events might still affect them today.

In this episode, I share my personal story of body trauma and help you understand if you're also a trauma survivor.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:

• Why trauma isn't just about what happened to you and what it really means
• The key signs that you might be a trauma survivor, from having a "sixth sense" for others' moods to struggling with boundaries
• A simple four-step process to help you identify whether past experiences are affecting you today and how to begin healing

If you're ready to stop minimizing your experiences and start your healing journey, listen now and be sure to download my Trauma Survivors Empowerment Guide.

When you finish listening, I'd sure appreciate a 5 STAR RATING & REVIEW to help others find the show.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Are you plagued by the fear that your boss or your partner is disappointed in you? Scanning their face and tone for the smallest signs of frustration? Your heart racing as you wonder what you did wrong? Even when they insist everything's fine, does your body remain tense, bracing for criticism? If so, this episode is for you.

I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, Trauma Survivor and Professional Coach, and today we're uncovering the hidden ways trauma might be shaping your life, and what that means for your healing journey. Welcome to Heal Your Trauma, Find Your Voice, the podcast for trauma survivors ready to break free from people pleasing and self doubt.

I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, here to help you trust your intuition, communicate clearly, and build relationships that fulfill you. Each week, you'll learn practical tips to heal past wounds and turn surviving into thriving. Welcome back to Episode 2. Whether you've faced a life altering event or [00:01:00] experienced smaller, ongoing hurts, the lingering effects of these situations might show up in ways you don't yet recognize as trauma.

If you find yourself wondering if what you experienced counts as trauma, you're not alone. Let me share a bit of my own story to illustrate how events that might seem minor to others can be traumatizing to us. Growing up, one of my favorite toys was a baton that our neighbor had used when she was on her high school's drill team.

She taught me how to twirl the baton and I'd spend hours marching around in my room imagining myself twirling and doing high kicks on a drill team of my own. Finally, my big chance came at the end of my freshman year of high school. After five rounds of tryouts, I was among the chosen few who had been selected to join the school's elite drill team for the following school year.

I was so excited. It felt like I was being welcomed into a close knit, very special group of girls who genuinely cared about each other. And that really mattered to [00:02:00] me because I had been the new girl in nine different schools by that point. I really craved community, and it seemed like the drill team was going to give that to me.

But then, the drill team coaches collected all of us girls together, told us we would have to maintain our figures in order to stay on the team, and they weighed us, one by one, in front of the entire group. Before that moment, I had felt confident about my body. I liked that my body was strong. I had fun hiking and riding bikes with friends, and I didn't really worry about my weight.

But as I stepped onto the scale that day, I felt nervous, wondering what it would mean. After she weighed me, the head coach used her newly sharpened pencil to plot my weight on a chart. She drew a line with her ruler, And then she looked at me sternly, her brow furrowed with concern. Annie, she said, you are 5 feet 5 inches tall.

You weigh 132 pounds, but you really should weigh 116. I [00:03:00] was shocked. My first thought was I would look horrible if I only weighed 116. I felt angry, but I didn't show it, and I didn't say anything. I didn't want to lose my chance to be on the drill team and finally have a sense of community. So instead, I stood there silently and listened as the coach told me they would give me a special diet so I could lose the excess weight during the summer.

But, she warned, If you fail to reach 116, you will be kicked off the team. Side note, this was in 1984 before any of the modern policies that support fair inclusion were put into place. I worked hard all summer, practicing with the team, building friendships with the girls, and following the diet and exercise plan to a T.

Then two weeks before the new school year began, the whole team posed for photos outside in the sunshine in our new uniforms. And afterward, The coaches pulled me aside for a final weigh in. It was really embarrassing to have the [00:04:00] entire team watching, and my stomach was in knots from a combination of anger and anxiety.

One twenty four. I was five foot, five inches tall, and the scale read one twenty four. With a disappointed look in their eyes, the two coaches silently turned away from me, talked to each other quietly, and then turned around and told me they would give me one more chance. They said to me, we are going to have you march in front of us so we can see if your legs jiggle too much.

If they don't, then you'll be able to stay on the team even though you're overweight. But if your legs jiggle too much when you march, then you will be cut from the team. I was mortified. I could not believe this was happening. I wanted to throw their clipboard at them and tell them to go to hell. Once again, I held it in and said nothing.

Today, 30 years later, I recognize that my reaction was a freeze survival response. And I have so much compassion for that girl who longed for community so much [00:05:00] that she'd put up with this treatment. But on that day, as a scared 15 year old, I dutifully followed the coach's instruction, marched toward the middle of the field where the rest of the girls were gathered, and waited.

After a few minutes, the coaches walked up to me with pity in their eyes. And told me that my legs had, in fact, jiggled too much, and I was cut from the drill team. I had to leave practice immediately. Can you imagine? Now, my experience might be infuriating, but does it count as trauma? For me, it did. In fact, it took decades of counseling for me to stop viewing my body as my enemy.

But for others, the same situation would not have been traumatizing. Some people would never have subjected themselves to the requirement to lose weight in the first place. They would have told the coaches they were fine just as they were, quit the team, and never given it a second thought. This brings me to that question we're answering today.

Am I a trauma [00:06:00] survivor? What I've learned is that trauma isn't just about what happened to us. We can't label an experience as a trauma, or not a trauma, simply based on the events that occurred. Dr. Peter Levine, a renowned trauma expert, explains it this way. Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.

Whenever we find ourselves in situations that seem dangerous, our bodies immediately activate the survival response to help us fight, run away, or freeze until the danger passes. Like, in my drill team story, I froze when the coaches told me I needed to lose weight in order to stay on the team. In an ideal situation, once the danger has passed and we feel safe again, our body naturally releases that built up stress and returns to a calm state.

Like when you've been cut off in traffic, felt a jolt of fear or anger, shouted, and then returned to driving as before. But when the stress is [00:07:00] overwhelming, like when I feared losing my sense of community with the drill team, or when a child sits frozen in silence. Their heart pounding as their parents' angry voice fills the room with no way to escape or defend themselves.

That survival energy doesn't get released. It stays trapped in the body. Keeping our nervous system on high alert even when we aren't in danger anymore. This perspective of trauma being in the body was absolutely the key that unlocked complete healing for me from many profound traumas. I'll share more about that in future episodes, but for now, I want to help you determine whether or not you are a trauma survivor by naming your trauma.

Naming our experiences as trauma can be empowering, especially if we've developed a habit of minimizing our pain or telling ourselves, it wasn't that bad. Others have been through worse. Naming our trauma is about acknowledging that something we went through had a profound impact on our sense of safety, our opinion [00:08:00] of ourselves.

or even our body, regardless of how someone else might have responded in the same situation. Let's look at some signs that you might be a trauma survivor. You might be a trauma survivor if you are plagued by memories of a particular event or series of events. You might be a trauma survivor if you feel like you have a sixth sense for people's moods and people say you're a great listener, but you keep your own sadness or anger to yourself.

You might be a trauma survivor if you struggle with boundaries. Saying no leaves you feeling guilty and you often prioritize others over yourself, even when it hurts you. You might be a trauma survivor if your body seems like your enemy. You might criticize your body relentlessly and you rarely feel fully relaxed in your body.

And you might be a trauma survivor if you avoid conflict at all costs or you're the first person to pick a fight when tensions arise. We've covered a lot so [00:09:00] far, want to join me in taking a deep breath? Hold on. Okay. Now let's reflect on your own experiences in light of what we've explored today. First, think about a moment in your life when you felt scared, like I did during my drill team weigh ins.

It could be a situation where you couldn't speak up, you felt overly responsible for pleasing others, you avoided conflict entirely, or you reacted with anger or defensiveness in an attempt to protect yourself. Notice your response. As you recall that situation, ask yourself, Did I feel frozen, trapped, or unable to act?

Did I try to avoid or escape the situation, either physically or emotionally? Did I react with anger, frustration, or defensiveness, feeling the need to fight back or assert control? What physical sensations did I notice? Was my heart racing, my stomach upset, [00:10:00] or my body tense? Now, consider whether this experience has continued to affect you.

This is the key to identifying whether or not the situation was traumatic for you. Remember, our fight, flight, freeze survival response is good. It's essential for protecting ourselves when we're really in danger. And it's designed to end quickly so the body can release the pent up energy, the same way animals shake it off in the wild after they've had a conflict.

So back to your experience. Do you notice any current patterns in your life that might connect back to the situation? For example, do you avoid similar scenarios or feel overly anxious about them? Do you find yourself shutting down, overthinking, or retreating in difficult situations? Do you sometimes overreact, lash out, or feel the need to control situations as a way to protect yourself?

If the situation has had a lingering effect, offer yourself [00:11:00] compassion. Reassure yourself by saying something like this, The ways I coped, whether freezing, fleeing, or fighting, were my body's way of protecting me, and I did the best I could at the time. You can repeat this four step process with any experience you think might be trauma.

Naming our experiences as trauma is a powerful step toward healing, because by recognizing how they might still affect you, you're getting closer to reclaiming your sense of safety, confidence, and inner peace. Thank you so much for joining me today for another episode of Heal Your Trauma, Find Your Voice.

If you're ready to continue with your healing journey, Download my Trauma Survivors Empowerment Guide to learn practical tools for reconnecting with your power. You'll find the link in today's show notes. Love what you're hearing? If you're listening on Apple, scroll down in your app and leave a review.

Next week on the show, we're tackling those high stakes moments when fear of [00:12:00] criticism steals your voice, and how to reclaim your confidence to speak up. Until then, I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, reminding you that healing is possible, and you don't have to do it alone. See you next week.