From Freeze to Flow: How to Stay Calm and Speak Clearly when Facing Criticism

Are you exhausted from spending hours preparing for meetings, only to have your mind go blank and your voice shake when someone questions your expertise?

Many accomplished professionals find themselves frozen in high-stakes moments, their carefully planned words evaporating at the first sign of criticism – not realizing this is actually their body's natural survival response.

In this episode, I share a powerful client story and a simple practice that can help you move from freeze to flow when facing criticism.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:

• Why criticism can trigger a physical survival response, even in the most experienced professionals
• How your body's "freeze" response to criticism isn't a character flaw but a natural protective mechanism
• A 60-second practice that can help you stay calm and clear-headed when facing criticism — without anyone knowing you're doing it

If you're ready to find a new way of handling criticism and find your voice in high-stakes moments, this episode will show you how sensitivity can become your greatest strength.

When you finish listening, I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway from today’s episode. Take a screenshot of you listening on your device, share it to your Instagram stories, and tag me, @dranniecampanile!

Transcript

[00:00:00] Do you find yourself sitting in meetings, heart racing, palms sweating, as you try to share your ideas? You prepared extensively, but when it's your turn to speak, your mind goes completely blank, and your carefully planned words evaporate. I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, trauma survivor and professional coach, and today I'm sharing why this happens to even the most accomplished professionals.

and more importantly, how you can calm yourself and find your voice, even when facing criticism. Welcome to Heal Your Trauma, Find Your Voice, the podcast for trauma survivors ready to break free from people pleasing and self doubt. I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, here to help you trust your intuition, communicate clearly, and build relationships that fulfill you.

Each week, you'll learn practical tips to heal past wounds and turn surviving into thriving. Welcome back to Episode 3. Today, we're tackling those high stakes moments when criticism feels paralyzing. [00:01:00] This brings me to a client I'll call Rachel, whose story perfectly illustrates how this survival response shows up in high stakes situations, and how it's possible to move from freeze to flow.

On paper, Rachel was the most experienced physician in her hospital's board meetings. She had performed thousands of successful surgeries and pioneered new surgical techniques that had saved hundreds of lives. But every time she needed to present her department's budget requests to the board, something happened that left her feeling ashamed and confused.

Rachel told me, By the time I get to the meeting, I know exactly what I want to say. I stay up the night before and prepare for hours. But the moment someone questions my data, or gives me that skeptical look, It's like I'm suddenly underwater. My throat closes up. The words are there in my mind, but they won't come out of my mouth.

My chest gets so tight I can barely breathe. Then I hear myself speaking in this high, shaky voice that [00:02:00] doesn't sound like me at all. Afterward, I sit in my office replaying every moment and thinking of all the things I wish I had said. Rachel's experience illustrates something crucial about how our bodies respond to criticism.

When someone questions or challenges us, especially in a professional setting, where so much seems to be at stake. Our nervous system can interpret that as physical danger. This isn't a character flaw or lack of preparation. It's a natural survival response that happens automatically, before our rational thoughts can even begin.

When we experience criticism, especially if we have past experiences of being dismissed or shamed, Our body can interpret that criticism as a threat. This triggers what scientists call the fight, flight, or freeze response. For many of us, particularly those who have experienced trauma, freeze becomes our default response, causing that familiar sensation of being unable to speak or think clearly.[00:03:00] 

My friends today find it hard to believe, but I used to freeze from fear of criticism too. What was different about my experience is that nobody knew I struggled with it. On the outside, I seemed confident and well spoken, but But that's because I had spent hours by myself trying to think of every possible risk of criticism and then preparing myself to avoid it or overcome it, totally controlling every aspect of myself.

This happened nearly every day when I was in graduate school in upstate New York. Before joining the hotel school at Cornell University, I had worked as a manager in Yellowstone Park, a far cry from the formality and prestige of the Ivy League. Even though I believed that I was smart enough to be in the master's program, I worried relentlessly about saying the wrong thing or looking out of place among classmates from wealthy families.

I wearing my old clothing and walking to school while they drove their new Audis and wore suits. [00:04:00] Eventually, I realized that no amount of preparation would calm this tightness in my chest or anxious thoughts. What finally made the difference for me was learning to pause, tune in to my body, and practice the same grounding techniques I now teach my coaching clients.

It wasn't about fixing myself. It was about trusting my body to help me find my voice. That's why I know the tools I share with you work, because I use them myself. This struggle to overcome the freeze response isn't unique to Rachel or to me. So many of us face moments when fear of criticism seems to take control, whether it's in a boardroom, a classroom, or a family conversation.

But here's the good news. The sensations that come with this fear aren't just obstacles to overcome. They can become powerful signals that guide us toward calm and clarity. Let's return to the example of work. Where the stakes can feel so high as we juggle relationships with our boss, our colleagues, our [00:05:00] customers, we try to prove ourselves, meet deadlines, and then something happens that triggers our anxiety.

The scenarios that we imagine then, such as being judged, dismissed, or misunderstood, can trigger our bodies just as intensely as if we were being chased by a bear, sending us into that survival mode. Our nervous system doesn't distinguish between what's happening in the moment and what we fear might happen.

Let me repeat that because this was truly life changing for me. Our nervous system, and which means our brains, don't distinguish, we cannot tell the difference between what's actually happening in the moment and what we imagine or what we fear might happen. Our bodies respond as if it's all happening. I see this all the time in my coaching practice.

That moment when a client realizes their heart is racing and their palms are sweaty just thinking about speaking up in a meeting. To our ancient survival brains, the fear of looking unprofessional or being judged by colleagues [00:06:00] registers as just as threatening as physical danger. What's remarkable is how Rachel discovered that the physical sensations she experienced when criticized, that closed throat, the tight chest, the shaky voice, they weren't her enemies.

Instead, she learned to see them as her allies. Instead of resisting the sensations, she learned to interpret them as cues to give herself exactly what she needed in those moments. A chance to ground herself and reconnect with her voice. How did she do that? She adopted a simple, yet powerful practice I call breath, seat, feet.

Whenever she noticed that familiar tightness in her throat, Rachel would do these three things. First, she would take one slow, full breath. Then she noticed the physical sensations of her body against her chair. This included details like the pressure of the chair against her skin, the firmness of the chair, and whether the chair made her [00:07:00] body feel warmer or cooler.

Finally, she would feel her feet making firm contact with the floor. That's it. This practice of breath, seat, feet is so fantastic because it is simple enough to do anywhere, anytime, yet it's powerful enough to shift your entire nervous system from survival mode back to safety. The beauty of it is that no one around you even needs to know you're doing it.

It might sound too simple to make a difference, but it isn't, I promise. Consciously noticing our physical experience is the fastest way to calm our survival response, because it brings our thoughts to the present moment and focuses our attention on something concrete. It's so much more effective and gentle than other strategies that so many of us have tried like telling ourselves to just get over it, or shaming ourselves for the way our bodies respond to stress.

Two weeks after she began practicing breath, seat, feet, Rachel had a breakthrough moment. She told me that during [00:08:00] a particularly tense board meeting, she had felt the old familiar tightness in her throat starting. Instead of fighting it or worrying about it, she simply said to herself, ah, my throat is getting tight.

Then, she shifted her attention away from what was happening in the meeting and practiced breath, seat, feet. After taking a slow, full breath, Noticing the chair beneath her and feeling her feet on the floor, to her amazement, the tightness in Rachel's throat released, and her emotions calmed down. This exercise had only taken about 60 seconds, yet it had paved the way for Rachel to calm her nerves, get her mind clear, and find her voice when it mattered most to her.

Rachel told me her voice had remained strong and clear while she advocated for her department's needs. For the first time ever, she left a board meeting feeling proud and energized, instead of feeling drained and analyzing what she should have said. I share Rachel's story because it highlights something crucial.[00:09:00] 

The same sensitivity that can make criticism feel overwhelming can become your greatest strength. When you learn to notice and embrace your body signals, They will transform from being obstacles into allies. I invite you to experiment with the simple practice of breath, seat, feet, sometime in the next few days.

You can try it anywhere, when you're by yourself, with family or friends, at school, at work, in your car, literally anywhere. Here's what to do. When you notice yourself getting tight, tense, or shaky in response to criticism, try this. 1. Slowly take one full breath. 2. Notice the physical sensations of being supported by your chair.

Feel the pressure, temperature, and texture of the chair against your body. And 3. Feel your feet making contact with the floor. You can do this by placing your feet on the floor and wiggling your toes, or pressing your feet into the floor. [00:10:00] Remember, this isn't about perfection. It's about building a gentle, consistent relationship with your body's signals.

Each time you practice, you are strengthening your capacity to stay calm and speak clearly, even when facing criticism. Thanks for joining me today. If this episode helped you stay calmer under criticism, share it with a friend who needs it. Sometimes knowing we're not alone makes all the difference. Next week, I'll share the unexpected key to breaking out of the people pleasing prison so we can stop abandoning ourselves in order to keep others happy.

Until then, I'm Dr. Annie Campanile, reminding you that healing is possible, and you don't have to do it alone. See you next week!